If you also have a son, you also want him to be excellent and disciplined: 10 suggestions for raising a boy

Love and trust are the best education, but not all.

If you want to raise an excellent and self-discipline boy, your parents must adhere to the principles and discipline carefully.

Author | Mother Potato

A few days after the school closed, a group of boy parents roast in the group:

My son is either jumping up and down or yelling at home. He is going to heaven!

When my family arrives at school, they look around and don't write unless they stare. They can't write two lines even if they stare for a long time

Why are you so unconscious? I'm so worried

Plato once said that among all animals, boys are the most difficult to control and deal with.

Boys are naturally active, develop late, and have relatively weak self-control.

If parents do not supervise properly, lack correct education methods, or ignore both, they will certainly suffer a great loss in learning and even in the future.

You should know that no outstanding boy grew up in his parents' free range.

If you want to raise a self disciplined and progressive boy, these 10 suggestions must be collected as early as possible.

Don't compare him with anyone

Especially girls of the same age

The neighbor has a pair of twins. The daughter is a student who everyone praises, but the son is a scum. He can't sit still, doesn't pay attention, and has too many small movements.

When she was educating her children, she often compared her son with her daughter, hoping to stimulate her son so that he could make some progress.

Unexpectedly, my son became more and more stupid, and even dared not speak loudly.

A boy's brain development is "half a beat slower" than a girl's. He will encounter more difficulties in learning than a girl, and will often feel helpless.

If parents know nothing about these things, they always compare boys with girls of the same age, or even beat boys blindly, which will only make them feel more frustrated and their resistance to learning will become more serious.

As said in The End of Men:

"Responsible parents should realize that they cannot change the direction and law of the world's development, but they can put their children in a fair environment, so that boys no longer feel like losers."

Do not aggravate the psychological pressure of the boy, and do not intentionally or unintentionally give him psychological hints that "boys were stupid than girls when they were young" and "boys were inferior to girls".

It is the best way to educate boys by putting their minds right and giving them more patience and care.

Unified standards for learning and life

For some time, my son was particularly disgusted with learning, and even a gentle reminder would make him lose his temper.

Later one time, he said the reason in anger:

"You are usually very gentle, and you are especially fierce to me when you come to do your homework. This is not good, and that is not right. I hate learning!"

It occurred to me that he didn't do housework, I didn't scold him, he didn't like sports, and I didn't force him. But only about learning, I always point out and ask him with the highest standard.

It is also my double standards that make children more disgusted with learning.

Therefore, do not strictly control children in learning, but indulge them in life. Only by unifying standards can children not have a strong resistance to learning.

Help boys speed up the development of left brain

The left brain of boys develops slowly, so their language expression ability in listening, speaking, reading and writing also lags behind that of girls.

But don't think you can leave it alone. Just wait for the boy to get started.

The human brain is lifelong plastic. Long term deliberate practice can help the brain development of boys. Parents may wish to make efforts in the following three aspects:

1. Early parent-child reading is very important;

2. In the process of doing housework, playing games and telling stories, talk with children more and guide them to tell and express more;

3. Explain what they are curious about, and don't get tired of their questions, because it will make their desire to share and curiosity fade away.

Set him a goal of medium difficulty

Boys like challenges, but they are also afraid of failure.

Xie Yingping, the former Fudan High School Affiliated, once said that if you want children to learn spontaneously, you should "give them a jump to pick apples."

Don't send the apple directly to the child, because the child will lose interest, and make sure that the child can get it with hard work, otherwise he will lose confidence.

Therefore, it is the best to set the expectations of the boy at the appropriate level and set a goal of medium difficulty for him.

For example, this time I got 70 points in math, so I will try to get 80 points next time; I practiced calligraphy for 10 minutes today, and the goal for tomorrow is 15 minutes

When children break through small goals, create a sense of ritual for them, which can greatly enhance their sense of satisfaction and achievement.

Constantly give "growth recognition"

There was a boy in Changchun, Jilin, who choked and wept because he was chosen as a class leader.

Because from childhood to adulthood, no class cadre teacher ever elected him, which made him feel very aggrieved and lost.

Boys are strong and face saving, so they need adults' affirmation and recognition.

Stanford professor Carol Dweck once said in his speech that parents need to learn to praise their children wisely.

Don't praise his talent and IQ, such as "you are great" and "you are smart", but praise him for his hard work, persistence, positive attitude and rapid progress

Growth encouragement like this can make the boy feel fully competent, stimulate his potential, make him believe that he has the power to become better, and become more confident and excellent day by day.

Formulate clear rules and give clear instructions

Boys need rules more than girls, as pointed out in Why Boys Are Difficult to Keep:

"Boys need boundaries, which give them the basis to act and keep them organized."

Proper restraint and discipline, on the contrary, will make boys more secure and easier to develop good habits.

However, it should be noted that you should never try to reason with a boy, because there is little chance that he will listen.

The rules and instructions given to boys must be concise, specific and clear.

For example, if you urge children to "hurry up and do their homework", they will either be indifferent or just write two questions at random.

It's better to put forward detailed requirements for children, "First do pages 3 and 4 of the math exercise book, and then recite the ancient poem" Wing the Willows "on page X of the Chinese textbook."

Or prepare a clear work record form for them, and tick off each item they complete.

It is also important to note that children should not compromise because of their crying and bullying.

Only by insisting on what should be insisted on, refusing what should be refused, and letting the child bear the consequences can the rules be effective.

Learn in the way boys like

With the same teacher, girls can concentrate while boys often feel bored, easily distracted and even fidgety. Why?

Brain science research has confirmed that, compared with monotonous language stimuli, boys are more likely to accept the stimulation of charts, images and even space and moving objects.

So if you think boys are too difficult to manage and teach, in fact, they just don't use the right method.

For example:

Choose books with pictures for him;

When reading picture books, you can play role play with him;

When teaching him to read, you can use color word cards to read pictures first, and then read.

Memorizing words and reciting ancient poems can guide him to close his eyes and imagine a picture, or use the real scenes of parks and streets to help him remember better.

You can also create more opportunities for him to learn physics and chemistry, and make use of "small experiments" to teach and have fun, so as to increase his interest in learning.

Don't force him to memorize by rote. Educating boys requires more attention from parents.

Use "Competitive Psychology" to Stimulate Motivation

The book "Raising a Son" once said that the most important thing for a boy in any situation is: Who is the leader here?

It is the nature of every boy to have a strong desire for competition.

By skillfully using the competitive psychology of boys, we can turn it into the strength of children's continuous progress.

When a child does not want to learn or is afraid of difficulties, it is advisable to "stimulate" him appropriately:

"How about we compete?"

"Let's see who finishes the three arithmetic problems first."

"I must do it faster and better than you!"

The boy who is competitive will be more motivated to learn when he hears what you say.

In order to "win", they will also try their best to complete the task.

Help boys find at least one male role model

In the growth process of boys, there is a need for male role models, and father is the best choice.

If father can accompany with the his heart and set an example, he will get twice result with the half effort.

You can also help the boy find a celebrity role model, for example, take him to read more inspirational stories and celebrity biographies.

Liang Qichao once said that reading biographies of celebrities can stimulate people's aspirations most.

The rough experience and tenacity of the characters in the book can influence the children imperceptibly, stimulate the boy's fighting spirit, make him work hard towards the goal, and become a brave, strong, independent and outstanding man.

Parents must not

One stands by, the other drags

Yu Minhong once mentioned one thing in his speech.

When his son was 10 years old, he wanted an iPad very much. Yu Minhong said:

"This is too expensive. An iPad costs 5000 yuan, and our aunt can earn 5000 yuan only by working hard for a month."

The son refused to give up, so Yu Minhong offered him the condition that he should read 20 books carefully.

My son had already started studying, but when Yu Minhong was on a business trip, his wife bought it for him without saying a word.

As a result, my son didn't finish reading 20 books.

Such a phenomenon exists in many families, where parents are strict and dote on each other, while one tries hard to behave and the other tries hard to procrastinate.

The parents' education methods are not unified, and all the previous efforts will be wasted.

Only when parents unite and form an alliance can they establish good rules and help children develop good habits.

There is a "flywheel effect" in psychology, which says:

In order to make the stationary flywheel rotate, you must exert great effort at the beginning. Push it repeatedly one circle at a time, and it is very hard to turn each circle.

But when the flywheel turns faster and faster and reaches a certain critical point, you don't need to work harder. The flywheel will still rotate rapidly and continuously.

This is the process of raising boys.

Immediate education is a myth. No boy can become excellent at once.

Those shining children are the result of parents' efforts to accompany, carefully supervise and continuously discipline.

Raising a boy will be difficult and slow at the beginning.

But as long as we don't give up and listen, our boys will eventually usher in the day when they break the cocoon and become butterflies.

Mutual encouragement.

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